U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
