I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
