The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
