U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
