Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
