The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's like heaven, but drunker
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
