i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
