I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
