just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
