On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
