I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
