So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
