i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
