Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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