Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
