Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
