Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
