remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
