I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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