Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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