Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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