yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
BRING THE BAGELS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
