everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The adults are the big ones right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You did what with his pubic hair?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
