So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
