I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
