i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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