fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
