you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
