break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
