I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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