put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
