I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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