Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
