her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
