saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
