At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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