Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
