i wish my penis had a tongue
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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