So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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