Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
