Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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