It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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