Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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