so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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