Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Watching her eat just hurts me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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