Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
