just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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