the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
