Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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