he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
