i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
