Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
